I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
