I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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