I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
