I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Michael Bay diarrhea
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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