she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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