i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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