tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
