so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
