I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
