I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
