i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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