your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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