I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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