You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
