I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
