Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
