Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
