Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
