just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the liver wants what the liver wants
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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