i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
