His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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