I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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