Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
