She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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