just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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