Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
