Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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