Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
