I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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