glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
from now on my penis is your penis
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
handjob tips. give me some.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
