Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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