I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to wash the frat house off of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
