she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
