She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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