you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize