so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
