So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
