Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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