hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
