I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
