Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
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I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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