Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat