true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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