i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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