Having a random hookup so left but love u
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
