Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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