Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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