He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
