Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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