Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
