So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
