I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
