I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
