Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
