tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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