Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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