U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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