Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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