Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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