Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
