Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
