suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
