great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
