i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
