I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
