How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
