Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
