was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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