i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
