haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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