I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
