First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
