I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
