I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
